it's too hot outside to masturbate.
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
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