so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
