did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Randomize
