i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Randomize
