No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
