note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
