You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
So squirting runs in the family.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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