drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize