Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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