he puts the penis in happiness.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
