I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
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