Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Randomize
