don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
