How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Randomize
