I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Randomize
