The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize