LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
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