I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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