dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
