I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
