he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Randomize
