i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Randomize
