i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
