I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
