we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
