its not stalking. its research.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
