Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Randomize
