I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
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