Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Randomize