"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Randomize
