btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Need sex. Gaining weight.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
