i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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