sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Randomize
