the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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