I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
