I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
