dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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