How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
You smell like stripper and shame
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
