I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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