the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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