all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Randomize
