just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
