Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Randomize
