I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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