Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
