Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Actions speak louder than pants.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Randomize
