I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize