How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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