D3 body, D1 cock
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
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