You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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