should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
