Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
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