Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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