So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Randomize
