yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
