ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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