He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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