Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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