somebody snuck up and got me drunk
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
