Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
being pregnant is like rehab
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
