So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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