We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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