I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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